you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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