yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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