Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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