I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
