i don't plan on having that self control this summer
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
