I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
