so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
