I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Drunk is a universal language darling
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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