Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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