textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
