Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
