get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
