Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
