I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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