u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
