You're a womanizer and a bitch.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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