Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
