She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
