i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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