I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
