my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize