Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
