i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
