Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So vagazzling was a success
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
