You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
