We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
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