Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
