So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
