My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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