fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
