Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
