I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
