thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
