I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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