So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
