He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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