don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
