Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
