You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
