You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
