1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
