ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
