All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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