Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
