my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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