i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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