also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
