This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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