he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
