if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
