I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
