If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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