i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
